i need an iv and a liver transplant
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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