I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Shame - the story of my life.
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