Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
