we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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