He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
