I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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