im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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