i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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