I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
