oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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