gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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