my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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