So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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