Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
