I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
