4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
