idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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