I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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