he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
