No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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