awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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