Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
