I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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