i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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