I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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