I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
And then he peed in my hair
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