pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
