i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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