I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
