He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
