Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
