1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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