Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Let's get the cat blown out
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
