I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
