You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
