Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
