I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
