I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
please don't ironically join a cult
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