Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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