so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
