uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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