I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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