I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
