It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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