I will die if light touches me.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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