textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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