I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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