so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Randomize
