After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
