I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
