I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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