My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
