We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
